How to communicate well? 6 principles of good interpersonal communication

How to communicate well? 6 principles of good interpersonal communication

How many times have you talked to someone and felt that you do not understand them at all despite speaking the same language? Unfortunately, good communication is not always easy, and it is derived from many factors.


  1. Key words

Surely you have noticed many times in movies or conversations, two friends who have know each other  for a long time that they have their own “buzz words”. Sometimes these are words that refer to a story, sometimes it is pure word formation. If your interlocutor has words that are often repeated, for example, the yolo, etc., it is worth including them in our statements. It also applies to a situation in which we normally do not use them.

  1. Eye contact

If we want to bond with someone during a conversation, it is important to look them in the eye. This does not mean that we have to look at them 100% of the time. This could cause the other person to feel uncomfortable. As a result of eye contact, the interlocutor will feel that we listen to them and pay attention instead of checking messages on the phone. Sometimes it can be difficult for some people to look into other peoples’ eyes because of a lack of self-confidence. More about it here.

  1. Paraphrase

Paraphrasing is a repetition, a summary of what someone says by modifying the content and preserving the meaning of expression. This is a very helpful tool, because it allows both parties to check if they really understand. It can be used at work, for example, when determining after a meeting who is responsible for what. Paraphrasing helps us to get “feedback”.

For example: I was very sad and frustrated today because I could not meet my friends and go to the cinema because of too much work.

Paraphrase: I understand that it was bad today because you could not spend your free time in the way you wanted.

  1. Empathy

Something that we often lack is empathy, or the ability to empathize with someone’s situation, understand his or her point of view and emotions. More kindness and cordiality would certainly work well. If you see that your interlocutor is nervous, because some stressful and unpleasant situation has just happened in his or her life, you can give him 5 minutes to calm down or even calmly ask what happened and become interested in it. By reacting with anger to anger, you only lead to an escalation of the situation.

  1. A common goal

Remember that our goal is to get along. The more we put “us” into conversation instead of “me”, the more likely we are to succeed. A common goal may require some compromises and concessions to your vision.

  1. The way of speaking

Sometimes people who have extremely different temperaments can have great communication difficulties. Imagine the situation – a loud, fast-talking person, vividly gesturing in conversation with someone calm, phlegmatic and shy. Such a combination can be explosive, but it does not have to be! It is enough that both sides meet “halfway” as in negotiating techniques. Mutual matching is an essential part of communication.

Magdalena Fiałkowska